Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
