R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
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I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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