What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I wish i was in the wii world.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
