in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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