I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
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She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
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So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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