The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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