oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
