I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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