I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
