Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
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Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
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Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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