ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
honey bunches of taint.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
