he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
