I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
