Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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