It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
