I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
