But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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