new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
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i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
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She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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