I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
