Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
