Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
