my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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