I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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