Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
