The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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