The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
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I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
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Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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