so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
