The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
