I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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