you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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