Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize