There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
