I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
