bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
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My thoughts exactly.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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