God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
