After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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