I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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