Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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