quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
