Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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