Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
