the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
