You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
