Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
