What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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