There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
