can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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