do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
