after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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