1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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