Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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