just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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