I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
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You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
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Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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