Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
