I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Shame is for Republicans.
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