She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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