so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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