there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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