I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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