anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
