So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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