Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
