there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize