Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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