I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
