I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
