Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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