I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
