My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He has the fingertips of a God
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