And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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